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The student news site of Stroudsburg High School

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Mountaineer

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The Mystery of the Mountaineer

**NOTHING IN THIS ARTICLE IS TRUE OR FACTUAL**

Corruption defiles small towns. There seems to be no lack of it these days as yet again deviants have been uncovered running amuck in this town.

Tony Mancini has been caught illegally trading Bengal Tigers. More than one hundred tigers have been found in one of his underground libraries. 

“I’m an avid reader and a lover of animals, what can I say?” says Mancini. “Been reading bedtime stories to my tigers since birth. Reading is a part of me.”

BarkBark, the local veterinarian clinic, has been under investigation as more and more dogs who take medicine produced by them have fallen ill.

Barbara Sue from Mountie Minutes, whom we may normally look to for comment, has been silent. 

Once, a great detective, writing stories undermining criminals, now, a silent writer with no articles to speak of in the past year.

People are waiting in anticipation for her next release. The Mountaineer has reached out to ListenUp for comment but none was given.

“I quite enjoyed reading her old articles,” said Ms. Exhaustin, an English teacher at Stroudsburg High School. “The work she did for our area, uncovering corruption, it’s a shame she has been lazy as of late.”

Local English teacher Teddy Collins has recently gone mad. Strolling through town proclaiming his love for Barbara Sue, he has been a public nuisance.

We have interviewed a victim of Mr. Collins. “I went up to him to see if he was alright and when I asked who Barbara Sue was he tackled me! Asking me how I knew her and how long me and her have been together for. Now I don’t know nothing about this Barbara Sue but the man seemed really jealous to me.”

Others have noted his strange vocabulary, noting he would say words like “gabagoo” or “tony-baloney” causing his validity as an English teacher to come into question.

If you have any leads on potential deviants in our area submit them today to the Mountaineer through this Google form. See you again next week for the weekly wrongdoing wrap-up!

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